Nitpicking the Junk Mail, part II

OK, if you're coming into this blind, I suggest you read the previous post first. (I was thinking about just updating that post, but it's getting a little bulky.) If you haven't read that, nothing that follows will make sense. (And it still might not. Oh, well - that's the burden I must bear...)

I was right, incidentally. I got hate mail. I knew it was going to get a little ugly, but these people were the ones drawing me into their stupidity. My wife was willing to just roll her eyes and passively try to ignore her cousins' rantings. Me, I like to take a more frontal approach. Particularly when it's low-hanging fruit like this.

I wasn't exactly overwhelmed, but at least one of them seemed a little heated. And I suppose that you could argue that it was a little unfair - they didn't ask me to interject sanity into their ignorant parroting of Rush Limbaugh's talking points, but my wife never asked them to include her in their mindless rush into ignorance. So I think we're even.

The first one was actually almost polite. A woman (I assume - it's possible that she was self-identifying when she mentioned the 16-year-old girl), who said:

I do not know who you are but please do not send me any more of your rants on your distaste for Sarah Palin. It is fine if you are not a supported but sending out random emails to people you do not know is a little absurd. If your wife was offended by the email she needs to to talk to the person that sent it to her- you do not need to talk to every person on the email list for her. You also sent your rant to a 16 year old girl. Next time make sure you know who you are sending things to.

Thank you.

Now, see, here's where I should almost feel guilty. If I'd actually attacked them for their ignorance, or been anything but calm and logical, I might. (Well, OK, I was maybe a little condescending; I don't feel guilty about it. There was a lot there to feel condescending about.)

I didn't actually answer that one. I was curious what she meant about her "You also sent your rant to a 16 year old girl," but I didn't ask. (The closest to distasteful that I got was that throw-off line about abstinence-only education working well for the Palin family. Maybe it's just that I was exposing the delicate young thing to non-GOP viewpoints.)

About an hour later, I got another one. At least this guy could spell.

That is very interesting. The way that I see this and the way I see you is that you have to find everything wrong with VP Candidate Palin ONLY because you cannot find anything good about Obama. It is completely understandable and good luck with your efforts. You can keep sending me these smear tactics on McCain and Palin but you need to remember that the worst of McCain and Palin is still better than the best policies that Obama can lie about because we both know that he is a Socialist, one step away from Communism. I don't like McCain and Palin, but they are the only logical choice

Again, didn't answer. Where do you go against that kind of mind-set? Because I responded with a few fact-checks to an unsolicited email, I was smearing both McCain and Palin. I don't recall even mentioning McCain. And what did he mean by "because we both know that he is a Socialist, one step away from Communism"? Wow. Good to know that his last civics class was in the Fifties.

But then I hit comedy gold. This guy's name was Kyle Bennett. And he felt that he needed to hit "reply all." So this went out to the same 51 email addresses as both the original, and my response to it. (And yes, incidentally, "Bill" is correct. Which brings a little irony to that whole "nameless" thing. But I'm a big fan of irony, so I'll run with it.)

Look Bill,

Don’t be sending me or anybody else this kind of bullshit. Why don’t you send out a record of Obama’s voting record in the Senate or list what all he has done for this country, hell even his own state, besides the millions of dollars in earmarks, which is tax payers money (like me and your dumbass). By the way his wife, who stated that she has never been proud of America (b/c she is a Muslim Bitch), received an outstanding job with a huge raise because of one of Obamas earmarks. Hey Bill do you like high paying taxes? You better get ready because if that Muslim gets office and hikes up our taxes, which he will, it will be the month of July before you start earning enough money to support your family. A tax hike to 40%, is just plain wrong and unfair. He is absolutely going to kill America’s small businesses, which by the way, is what characterizes what the American Dream is all about. This guy (Obama) wouldn’t know whether to shit or go blind if something like 9/11 happened with him in office would he? Look you must be a hardcore Democrat which is fine, but deep down you know this is the wrong guy (Obama) to lead this country. Put your party affiliation aside and look at McCain’s & Obama’s voting records, health care plans, the oil crisis, energy development, and economic plans. WAKE UP!!!! This is a no brainer. Let me tell you what is going to happen with Obama’s health care plan, there is no good Doctor going to go through all that expensive and extensive schooling to become a M.D. and do it for hardly no money. What is going to happen is that there will become a shortage of quality doctors out there and the medical field and people will suffer because of it. OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!! By the way I’m tired of all this funding and spending by the government (Democratic Congress) for these damn government programs that have been going on for years and years with no results. What is happening we are giving people all these government contracts to people (organizations) to do research with no results. You know why there are no results? Because these people are getting rich, along with politicians, by keeping these projects going! We need to cut this funding, put this money back into the economy (I.E. small businesses, industries, opening up more jobs for the American People) So we can quit sending shit overseas to be produced only to by it back at a ridiculous markup. And guess what Obama wants to do? Give the damn government more money so this kind of shit will keep going on. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! Obama has been a major player (celebrity) in the Congress that on record has been the WORST ever in American and you want him to lead our country? HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT!! Am I a Republican, sure, but I am a country boy with common sense also, by the way I did like Bill Clinton and I thought he did some good things while in office. Now tonight I want you to look in the mirror and ask yourself this question “What the hell am I doing?” By the way who the hell is Joe Biden!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Kyle A. Bennett

P.S. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!!!

You hardly know where to go with that kind of ignorance. But here's where I went. A lot less polite, but still low-key. (Well, for me, anyway.) I didn't even embed any of the links - just printed them out there, available and obvious. (Frankly, I wasn't sure this guy was smart enough to click a hyperlink, and I didn't want him to miss that I had facts on my side.)

I even thought about replying just to him. And then thought better of it. First, I didn't want anybody to think that I'd just turned tail at the first sign of trouble. And second, I could throw in a nifty little disclaimer at the beginning, to let people know that I wasn't going to bother them unless they bothered me.

(To the rest of you: I'll cut you out of any future rants from Kyle. I hope he's good enough to do the same.)

Look, Kyle,

Do you have the ability to think for yourself? Because, holy crap, you eat up every lie they feed you, don't you? Well, I'll try to educate you a little, but somehow, I don't think it's going to take.

"Why don’t you send out a record of Obama’s voting record in the Senate or list what all he has done for this country, hell even his own state,"

Easy enough. http://www.votesmart.org/voting_category.php?can_id=9490

"besides the millions of dollars in earmarks, which is tax payers money"

Palin asked for more earmarks than anybody else. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008154532_webpalin02m.html
Where the average state got $50 per person in earmarked money, Alaska under Palin got ten times that. I'll assume that, since you know so much about Palin, you know that, back before he named her as VP, McCain named her his Pork Queen three times.

"Hey Bill do you like high paying taxes? You better get ready because if that Muslim..."

Barack Obama is not a Muslim. That's another one of those lies.
http://namelesscynic.blogspot.com/2008/06/barack-obama-vs-strange-smears-from.html

"...gets office and hikes up our taxes, which he will, it will be the month of July before you start earning enough money to support your family. A tax hike to 40%, is just plain wrong and unfair."

Oh, my god. Where did you even get that steaming pile? Here, from Business Week (go ahead, try to say that's "left-wing lib'rul media"):

"So where does the reality lie? According to a new analysis by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, a joint venture between the Urban Institute and the Brookings Institution, two Washington think tanks, this round goes to Obama. The TPC took a look at the various tax proposals put forth by the two candidates and estimated that Obama's plan would lead to a boost in aftertax income for all but the highest earners, while taking a smaller bite out of government tax revenues than would McCain's plans."
http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/content/jun2008/db20080611_220050.htm

Come on, dude. You wrote one (long) paragraph, and you got almost everything wrong. I could keep going like this, but, you know, I've got a job to do. You really need to watch something besides Fox News and wrestling. You even show your own ignorance in the last sentence:

"By the way who the hell is Joe Biden!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'll just cut this from Wikipedia for you.

"Born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania for ten years prior to moving to Delaware, Biden trained as a lawyer and became a senator in 1973 at the Constitutional minimum age of 30, making him the fifth-youngest senator in U.S. history... In his sixth consecutive term in the Senate, Biden has served for the sixth-longest period among current senators."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Biden

So, learn something if you can. And God bless you,

Bill

I thought that the "God bless you" was a nice touch.

But our boy Kyle didn't know when to quit. Again, he went for "reply all," so all 50 or so people got to see his brilliance. (And, incidentally, while I'm saving you from his somewhat unique spacing, that's all the editing I'm doing to this stuff.)

Okay Bill,

First of all I don’t know who you are or how you got my e-mail address but since you started this shit I figured I would finish it. Since you don’t think that I can think for myself well, here you go!! And this isn’t from one of your fancy little links from bloggers like “Nameless Cynic”.

Did I mention that I got all kinds of amusement from this guy? And there was no way he could know when he was being funny, some of the time)

1) From Barrack Hussein Obama himself “If the political winds should shift in an ugly direction, I will stand with the Muslims”

ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! Yeah Billy Boy he is not a Muslim…… WOW!!!!!

2) This country is so bad in debt that there is not a single plan out there that is going swoop in and rescue us (trust me someone would have thought of that already). Common sense, Billy, Common Sense.

If you think that Obama, or for that matter McCain, came up with these plans by themselves then you are seriously mistaken. Again common sense, Billy, common sense.

3) Encouraging Economic Growth: This is still part of #2. So Obama wants to tax the wealthy right? Define wealthy $100,000? $200,000? $1,000,000? Obama’s plan is staring at about the 150,000 range I THINK. Now let me put this into a little perspective for you. Every business owner, large or small, makes at least $150,000 you agree? Common sense, William, Common sense. All right why are we going to put heavy taxes on these people that are the backbone of America? I am not talking about the Bill Gates of the world, that has more money than he knows what to do with, no I’m talking about industries that produce for the consumer that give people like me and millions of other Americans jobs that let us provide for our families. This is not encouraging American Economic growth, It is DISCOURAGING it!!!! Common Sense, Bill, Common Sense!!!

4) This is not a POPULARITY CONTEST. This is who is going to be the next leader of our COUNTRY!!!!!!!! I’m sick of hearing how Obama is Elegant, Warm & Fuzzy,a Rock Star. This makes me want to PUKE!!!! I

I cringe to think what would happen to our country with him as our Commander-In-Chief!! HE DOESN’T EVEN CROSS HIS HEART DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OR PLAEDGE OF ALLIEGENCE FOR AMERICA’S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5) I could go on and on but the buck stops here!!!!!!!

Now Bill,

Erase my e-mail from your address book because I don’t want to be associated with America Haters like yourself. I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!!!!

From the bottom of my heart,

Kyle A. Bennett

P.S. You mess with the Bull, You get the Horns!!!!

The cool part was, by the time I got this, I was off work, and didn't have to waste my lunch hour beating on this guy. So I responded.

To just him, by the way.

Oh, my God. Didn't I say you should think for yourself? You aren't good at much besides quoting other peoples lies, are you? And incidentally, "America Haters"? I spent 21 years in the military. What have you done for your country besides lie about it? But here, let me show you where you're wrong. And I'll type slow, to make this easy for you.

(You'll also noticed that I'm not spamming every other name on this list. You might know some of them, and I think it's polite not to embarrass you.)

1. That's a lie. Somebody sent you an email of misquotes and lies, and you fell for it.
http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/did_obama_write_that_he_would_stand.html

2. Why do you keep using the term "common sense"? You don't seem to use much. You don't have a point here, so I'll move on.

3. Let's go back to the Business Week article I already sent you.
http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/content/jun2008/db20080611_220050.htm

The TPC took a look at the various tax proposals put forth by the two candidates and estimated that Obama's plan would lead to a boost in aftertax income for all but the highest earners, while taking a smaller bite out of government tax revenues than would McCain's plans.

Or to give you actual amounts, if you're earning that $100K, Obama's tax bill would save you almost $300 more than McCain's.
http://money.cnn.com/2008/06/11/news/economy/candidates_taxproposals_tpc/index.htm

4. I'm not sure what your point is here. Obama's more popular than you and that pisses you off? "HE DOESN’T EVEN CROSS HIS HEART DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OR PLAEDGE OF ALLIEGENCE FOR AMERICA’S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well, besides the fact that you can't spell, how about this?


Or you could read about the whole smear campaign here.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/anthem.asp
but I've got to warn you, they use some big words there. Might be hard for you.

I don't have your name in my address book. I just reply when you email me. Incidentally, I love America. That's why I'm tired of seeing it ruined by people with no respect for the Constitution. (Look up the term "habeas corpus" sometime, and find out why it's important.)

"'P.S. You mess with the Bull, You get the Horns!!!!" - you're kidding, right? There's definitely bull all over your email, but you're more like a steer, son. Learn something. Try not to be this ignorant any more.

Bill

That was it from Kyle (so far). I did get one more brief note, from a woman named Kim, who wrote, to everybody:

Hello,

First, let me state that I don’t know who either one of you are but I do have two comments.

Kyle, I LOVE your emails and would gladly call you a friend any day.

Bill, I will make sure to include you in my nightly prayers that God will bless you with some common sense. If he does not, please do us all a favor and move to Iraq.

God Bless America!!!

Kim

I decided to go with the old standard for her. It's cheating, but I think I earned it. (And, yes, I hit "reply all," in the vain hope that one or two of them could take a hint.)

Thanks, but in my 21 years in the military, I did two tours in the Middle East.

You know, I cut y'all out of my responses to Kyle. He isn't that polite.

God bless you, too,

Bill

That's been it, so far. I guess I'll get to see what tomorrow brings.
__________

Update: And sure enough, they just don't stop.