Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Bible before Solstice

Happy Solstice (if that's what you're into). The goddess Uzza gives us this reminder of all that's come before.
Twas around winter solstice, alone in the house
I was reading the Bible, as quiet as a mouse.
The stories were thrown in the book without care;
contradictions abounded, mistakes everywhere.

I could not understand, or believe what it said,
its tall tales of people come back from the dead;
original sin, which was such a bum rap,
blood sacrifice, curses, and other such crap.

When deep down inside I knew something's the matter
I sprang to the web to make sense of such chatter.
Away to the Google I flew like a flash,
to try and make out heads or tails of this trash.

The search engine gave me back millions of hits;
molesters, and con men, and other such shits.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but hundreds of gods from the earliest year.

With a little old edit, the story of Horus
I knew in a moment it must be the sou-rce.
More numerous than seagulls, gods and goddesses came,
and I whistled, and marveled, and called out their name;

Osiris! Adonis! Dionysus! Mithra!
There's Attis and Ishtar! And Baldr and Krishna!
To the land of the dead! Down to hell they all went,
to the underworld, after their lives were all spent.

Like fertility symbols these gods they all die,
and then get resurrected, back up in the sky.
So back up to heaven these deities flew,
to start new religions, and Jesus did too.

Right there in the gospels, just like you would guess,
a brand new Messiah turned up in this mess.
As I willingly tried to suspend disbelief
from the pages this Jesus guy came like a thief.

He was beat all to shit, from his head to his foot,
and put onto a cross just like Horus was put;
His birth in a manger, and marked by a star,
that's a detail he stole from the Goddess Ishtar.

His magic trick changing his water to wine,
was a ripoff of Bacchus who used to brew 'shine.
He claims to have brought people back from the dead,
that's just like the other gods—what they all said.

And in some of his stories he acts like a cad:
“Hate your mother and father! Don't bury your dad!”
Sends his guys to steal donkeys, and kills farmer's pigs,
and cusses a tree out for not giving figs.

He's a crazy old preacher, who just seems kind of silly
though I had to admit that his book was a dilly,
that tried hard to steal those old stories by stealth,
and I laughed when I read it, in spite of myself.

A shift of my eyes and a twist of my head,
to the headlines, told me I had nothing to dread:
all the Pope's rules have been shown not to work,
evangelicals picket, and act like a jerk;

They cry “war on Christmas” and make silly fusses,
when we put up billboards, or signs on our buses.
But to all the fanatics I give this epistle,
away from your church people fly like a missile,

And I have to exclaim, on this solsticey night,
that millions of us, without gods, are alright.

15 comments:

MICHAEL said...

The Holy Bible alone OR The Holy Bible Plus Oral Tradition?

Matthew 23:2-3 - chair of Moses; observe whatever they tell you (Moses chair was a prefigurement of the chair of St. Peter.)
Mark 13:31 - Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words won't
Mark 16:15 - go to the whole world and proclaim the gospel to every creature
John 12:25 - not everything Jesus said was recorded in Scripture
Acts 20:35 - sayings of Jesus were not recorded in the Gospels
Romans 10:17 - faith comes from what is heard
1 Corinthians 11:2 - commends them for following Apostolic tradition
1 Corinthians 15:1-2 - being saved if you hold fast to the word I preached
2 Thessalonians 2:15 - hold fast to traditions, whether oral or by letter
2 Timothy 1:13 - follow my sound words; guard the truth
2 Timothy 2:2 - what you heard entrust to faithful men
1 Peter 1:25 - God's eternal word equals the word preached to you
2 Peter 1:20 - no prophecy is a matter of private interpretation
2 Peter 3:15-16 - Paul's letters can be difficult to grasp and interpret
St. Athanasius (360AD) - let us note that the very tradition, teaching, and faith of the Catholic Church from the beginning, which the Lord gave, was preached by the Apostles, and was preserved by the Fathers. On this was the Church founded; and if anyone departs from this, he neither is nor any longer ought to be called a Christian.... (Four Letters to Serapion of Thmius 1, 28)
Origen (230AD) - "The teaching of the Church has indeed been handed down through an order of succession, from the Apostles, and remains in the Churches even to the present time. That alone is to be believed as truth which is in no way in variance with ecclesiastical and apostolic tradition." (Fundamental Doctrines 1, preface, 2.)

Nameless Cynic said...

Wow. Check you out. Do you think you're making a point here? Do you think, in fact, that you're even "on topic"?

(I'm not sure you're aware - that's a term indicating that you haven't just puked up a big old non sequiter.)

I could swear we've been here before. Last time, I deleted your comment, walked over to your blog, and tore you a new one. For some reason, that wasn't enough for you. (OK, it's been like a year - maybe you don't remember...)

Here's what I'm gonna do. It's late, I'm a little drunk. I'm not going to do anything tonight. Tomorrow, though, I'm going to take an hour or so out of my life, to say "hi" on the last few blog entries you have.

This is your chance. Summon your best arguments. Tell me exactly why your christian god is some awesome guy who I should worship. Pull out all the stops. You have 24 hours. Make this worth my time. And yours.

(Sadly, I think there will be nothing awaiting me but weak tea that I'll feel like a bully for kicking apart. But that will be your choice, chum.)

MICHAEL said...

Tomorrow, though, I'm going to take an hour or so out of my life, to say "hi" on the last few blog entries you have.

GOD SAYS "NOW," "TODAY," NOT "TOMORROW"

Scripture Texts: Isaiah 1:18, "Come NOW, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

Hebrews 4:7(b), "TODAY if ye will hear His voice, harden not your hearts."

Proverbs 27:1, "Boast not thyself of TOMORROW ; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

K. said...

You must have looked up the wrong book. Everyone knows that the Holy Bible is a 2000-page screed revealing the evil of the Homosexual Agenda. Revelations predicts the apocalypse that follows the repeal of DADT.

Nameless Cynic said...

OK, Mike, I give up. What the hell? Was last time a fluke?

I mean, if you're the type who goes around "witnessing" on other people's blogs, shouldn't you, at least once in a while, have a point? I mean, working backwards, you have:

An esoteric discussion of ex-Catholics saying mean things about Catholics. ("Oh, the horror," he says, clutching his pearls...)

A discussion of a Catholic orphanage, where it was proven that priests were molesting kids, and then kicked them out on the streets. (And... where you went... whoa... OK, a little creepy; explains a lot about you, I guess...)

A long, boring "why we're baptized" post that assumes the reader is already a Catholic - kind of an "Inside Baseball" bit of esoterica. Bo-oo-orinnnngg.)

A reprint of a travel page about a closed orphanage. Right down to the comments section. (Ah, because they printed your comment... because this is where you were before they kicked you out of England as a child... OK, so you're revisiting your childhood - which was pretty messed up, btw)

Quotes by a bunch of saints about the habit of taking a cracker and some wine, and pretending you're a cannibal. I could discuss it, but there's no you in there, just a bunch of dead guys.

The other orphanage you were in.

And then we get to your root post. Talking about your hard, hard life. Which you're so happy about that you mention it in your profile.

Yeah, I can see why you might have delusions and the like, but why do you come to other people's blogs and drop bible verses that only make sense to you? You don't seem to have a point (although you did apparently try to respond to me up above, weirdly) - you write about yourself, but you don't talk to people, you just quote scripture at them. I mean, I can do that, too. But what's your point here?

Is this just a sad attempt to make contact? Some kind of reaching out on your part?

And you've either deleted your old blog(s), or deleted any entries older than this month.

What are you? "Nell"?

K. said...

Gee, I wish I piss off someone badly enough to stalk me. Three years of blogging and nada. The closest I've come is 129 "thumbs downs" on a Seattle Times discussion. I was and am proud of that.

Since you've apparently had past problems with readers of questionable character, I should warn you that I am an avowed liberal fascist, so you may want to lock me out, too.

But before you do, a question: Why do people insert Biblical quotes into secular discussions as if they proved something? It's one thing for the Bible to inform your values. It's another to use a document based on faith as proof of one's reason.

MICHAEL said...

Dear Bill,
I felt some pain reading your DIATRIBE; I imagine you were RAGING over your fear, pain & shame.

Your PROCESS is not about me but unprocessed "stuff" from your childhood.

I will pray for you, Bill, the next time I attend my ROSARY group.

Nameless Cynic said...

You are a strange little man, Mikey.

I thought for a second that you might be hiding some secret message in there, but you apparently just have that weird sporadic love affair with the caps-lock key (something that we who cruise the shadowed ends of the internet usually see as a sign that we're debating a somewhat unhinged personality - the non sequiters are often a clue, too).

(You may want to consider that, since you seem to have gone all introspective this year).

"fear, pain & shame" - no, not really. I've worked out most of the kinks left over from my childhood. I mean, with your pedo priests meeting up with your fear of authority, I can see where you might still be tied up in knots, but I'm not going to be able to untie them from here.

You go right ahead and pray with your ROSARY group. I'll sing a little song about you to one of my WIFE'S necklaces. I suspect we'll both accomplish the same thing.

Nameless Cynic said...

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

MICHAEL said...

Dear Bill,
I felt some pain & sadness reading your comments.

I imagine you are a RAGEAHOLIC, CONTROL FREAK & AVOIDER apart from being a TERRIFIED & emotionally shutdown (caps lock Bill) "little boy" who has a conscious fear of intimacy & an unconscious fear of abandonment.

The only way you will regain your sanity, Bill, is to go back to the 'chamber of horrors' (your childhood) & recover "Little Billy," who I imagine you ABANDONED many years ago.

Were you sexually abused as a child, Bill?

Nameless Cynic said...

(Yeah, K, I do seem to attract the odd ones every so often, don't I?)


Mikey. Here, look up a word for me. "Projection." You cheerfully tell everybody on your blog that you were a sexually abused orphan - but you know that not everybody went through what you did?

You realize that going through therapy is not the same as getting a degree in it, right? And you're the perfect example. For instance, if I were you, I'd take your raging case of projection, and (since it's evidence that you believe everyone is like you) pronounce you as a prime case of NARCISSISM (all caps, just like that), and weepily suggest you get some help.

(By the way, it's cute how you suddenly remembered the caps lock in the middle, and... capitalized half as often...)

That is an awesome piece of crap psych you did there. Let's see, "rageaholic" - you know that's not an official diagnosis, right? Just because you came across it in your support group doesn't make it real.

I'm not clear where you get "control freak" or "avoider," but intimacy issues? I've been married for 22 years, to a very understanding woman (you can tell she's understanding - she's still married to me). I mean, I'd like to get intimate more often - I guess that's kind of an issue - but the Trophy Wife has back problems, so what can you do?

If it makes you feel better, I do suffer from one of the mildest cases of PTSD ever, but it just means that I tense up when things are exploding. So it's a relatively common-sense condition, if you think about it.

Overall, your diagnosis suffers from a complete lack of evidence and education. But aren't you cute for trying to put it out there?

K. said...

"I mean, I'd like to get intimate more often"

Isn't that what Mary Magdalene said to Jesus? Or was it the other way around?

MICHAEL said...

..but it just means that I tense up when things are exploding.

Dear Bill,
Quite understandable considering what you went through.

God bless you
Michael :)

Octopus said...

Projection confirmed. An demonstration of pop psychology from one who is totally unqualified to wield it ... but reveals his own psychopathology through inappropriate and improper conduct. Transparent and pathetic! Now, where was I? Oh yes.

Nameless, I am just stopping by to wish you are Happy and Healthy Holiday and Best Wishes for the New Year.

K. said...

"I tense up when things are exploding."

That's okay: All guys do that.