He forwarded it to my sister in LA, too. (As opposed to my sister in Virginia, the minister.) She responded almost immediately, with a couple of relatively pissy quotes. Even at her advanced age (around 47 or so), she lets people push her buttons. She reacts, and they get to giggle.
(OK, I'll admit it. I've been known to push her buttons, too. It's hard not to: they're big, and red, and labeled in bright colors. You can't help yourself.)
Personally, I sat down and fired off a response, point for point. I've always found that a certain amount of humor is a better way to respond to the ignorant. ("Be pithy, not pissy," if you like.)
If you get the same email, feel free to use mine, if you like. I'm not going to copyright it or anything. (Especially since, with the nature of the internet, I couldn't stop you if I wanted to. But I don't. So it's cool.)
22 Ways to be a Good Democrat.
22 Ways to be a Good Republican1. You have to be against capital punishment,
but support abortion on demand.
1. You have to support the "Right to Life," unless
it's the life of a prisoner. After all, God said all life
is sacred except for THEIR life, right?
oppression and governments create prosperity.
2. You have to believe that businesses will ever
work in favor of anyone but themselves.
law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than
U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of
Chinese and North Korean communists.
3. You have to believe that chemical weapons
sold to the Iraqi government by the US are
sufficient reason to invade Iraq.
4. You have to believe that there is no art
worth funding that doesn't involve dogs
less affected by cyclical documented changes in the
earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms
5. You have to believe that global temperatures
are unaffected by increased particles in the
atmosphere, despite what an eighth grade
education would tell you. You also have to
believe everything that the oil companies say.
Because they love you and wouldn't try to
steal from you.
but being homosexual is natural.
6. You have to ignore that part of the Bible where it
says"This is the first and greatest Commandment.
The second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy
neighbor as thyself. On these two
commandments hang all the laws and the
by a lack of federal funding.
7. You have to believe that AIDS is God's
punishment on the wicked, but cancer
is just nature's way of thinning the
herd. (Oh, yeah. And cancer isn't
related to smoking at all.)
can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow
qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
8. You have to believe that a man who pays gay
prostitutes to bugger him and sell him
methamphetamines is qualified to judge your
about nature, but loony activists who have never
been outside of San Francisco do.
9. You have to believe that hunters need
automatic weapons to hunt herbivores.
Because deer are dangerous.
important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is
entirely unimportant. Because if you aren't
born rich, you shouldn't feel good about
yourself. (Like Paris Hilton. She should feel
good about herself. And she deserves not
to be in jail.)
$25 million of his own money to make The Passion
of the Christ for financial gain only.
11. You have to believe that a man who doesn't believe
that the Holocaust happened is qualified to teach
you anything. (Oh, yeah. And it's a good idea to
make a movie in ancient Aztec. There's the
sign of a stable mind…)
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the
ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of
12. You have to believe that George Bush supports any
part of the Constitution or the Bill of Rights.
but ATM fees are too high.
13. You have to believe that oil had nothing
to do with invading Iraq. (Let's see. Before we
invaded Iraq, gas prices were $1.50 per gallon.
Now, I'm paying $3.50 per gallon. Why did
we go to Iraq again?)
Gloria Steinem are more important to American
history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee,
and Thomas Edison & A.G. Bell.
14. You have to believe that no woman in American
history did anything except Betsy Ross.
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
15. You have to believe that black people have never
been discriminated against, and they're poor
because they're lazy.
and is a very nice person.
16. You have to believe that, despite being tortured in
a Vietnamese prison camp, John McCain should
support torturing Muslims in Guantanamo.
socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is
because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe that Halliburton, because of
unfettered capitalism, is doing a good job of
supporting our troops. (Please ignore the
spoiled meat and $100 meals.)
truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender
belonged in the White House.
18. You have to believe that a blowjob is evil, but
taking a country to war based on lies is noble.
displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should
be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.
19. You have to believe that Rudy Giuliani's
propensity for dressing in drag means nothing.
(Oh, and you have to believe that there's
nothing odd about conflating bestiality
and homosexuality. After all, they're the
same thing, aren't they?)
Party funding by the Chinese Government is
somehow in the best interest to the United States.
20. You have to believe that illegal Republican
suppression of voting rights is somehow in the
best interest of the American people.
part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
21. You have to believe that any response to
this message is some kind of insane, left-wing
Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it's
not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
22. You have to be stupid enough to believe that
there is such a thing as a "War on Christmas."
Oh, yeah, and the resurrection of a deity has
something to do with rabbits and colored